So I happened to slack off this weekend, because my sister was in town, and I didn’t get a blog written ahead of time. So here I am pulling something together at the last moment because I really want to stick to my schedule. I was browsing my word documents, trying to find something already written that I could share, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for. In order to post what I thought of last minute I would have to dig through my folders and re-type the entire thing, so for now I will not post that particular thing. Instead, I decided to share with you some funny quotes, and the stories behind them, from throughout my life. So without further ado, let’s get to it!
“No, we’re on the OTHER 50!” “No, we’re on the 60!”
When I was in high school, I was in band. More specifically for this quote, marching band. For those of you not in marching band, one of the things you do at band camp is set drill. Drill is basically just a fancy word for where everybody is supposed to be. It’s what creates the pretty, or not so pretty, pictures that the band makes during their field show. Well one day during band camp my senior year of high school, we were setting drill to the third part of our show. (Don’t ask me how I remember this crazy detail.) We were looking at the drill sheet trying to figure out where we were supposed to be on the football field. It wasn’t hard to figure out that the whole section, nine alto saxes and mellophones, were in a straight line front to back. I was in between two guys, and for some reason the three of us were all having a brain fart at the same time. We were on the 50 yard line, but we knew that was wrong. Suddenly Derek had a revelation, “No, we’re on the OTHER 50!” To which Grady responded with, “No we’re on the 60!” Now, if you’re familiar at all with the game of football at all you know that there is only one 50 yard line, and a 60 yard line does not exist. As soon as they realized what had come out of their mouths, we all had a good laugh, and eventually we realized that we were actually supposed to be on the 45.
“I’m okay with my finger being in it, just not my tongue.”
One day I was at a coffee shop with a group of friends. We all had gotten various drinks. Hot coffee, iced coffee, smoothies, tea, pretty much everything you can get at a coffee shop. My friend John had gotten a hot coffee. The rest of us were just sitting there enjoying our drinks, but we noticed that John hadn’t drank any of his. He just kept sticking his finger in it. When asked what he was doing, he responded, “I’m okay with finger being in it, just not my tongue.” Of course everyone laughed because we were in college and it sounded dirty, but he was talking about coffee.
“What do you think Steve would do if we stopped on the side of the road to pick up a dead animal?”
One day near the beginning of my second year on a Youth Encounter team (read my blog about YE to learn more), my team and I were driving through Wisconsin. Taylor always joked about picking up the roadkill to have as our dinner. I think it was mostly to gross out our German, Johanna. Anyway, Johanna saw some roadkill and exclaimed, “There’s another dead animal for Taylor to eat this evening!” We were being followed by our on the road trainer, a wonderful man named Steve, so Josh asked what we were all thinking, “What do you think Steve would do if we stopped on the side of the road to pick up a dead animal?”
“It sounds like someone’s trying to feed a CD into the garbage disposal.”
This also happened on my second Youth Encounter team. We had gone bowling with the Pastor of the church we were staying at. Someone had chosen to play “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites” by Skrillex on the jukebox. (Apparently every bowling alley has a jukebox for some reason.) When Pastor Jim heard the song his explanation was this.
And for some more of my favourite quotes, here are some without stories:
“Canada isn’t even another country, it’s like a suburb.”
“I just farted I’m so nervous.”
“I have so many keys, I must have killed a janitor in my sleep.”
“I didn’t realize how uncool classical music was. It sure doesn’t attract the babes.”
And there you have it folks, a last minute blog attempt! I thought maybe it’d get you to laugh a little, or at least smile. Maybe brighten up your bad day, or maybe only I think these things are funny. Whatever, I made an effort. That’s what counts right? Anyway, happy Tuesday y’all!